I Took the Long Way on Purpose (a Love Letter to 13th Grade)

They call it community college. I call it 13th grade.

And before you get cute yes, I know how that sounds. But if you’re first-generation, you already know sometimes the “long way” is the only way that feels safe enough to survive.

After high school, I didn’t run straight into a four-year university with a dorm room, a roommate I didn’t know, and a SAT score that told the truth about… nothing.

I was scared. Scared I didn’t test well enough. Scared of sharing a tiny room with a stranger. Scared of being “found out. "Scared of the noise, the pressure, the pace.

And yes, social anxiety was very real.

So, I chose Thomas Nelson Community College. My 13th grade. My pause button. My bridge.

The First Gen Math Nobody Teaches

Here’s the math we don’t talk about:

• Confidence doesn’t magically appear at move-in day

• Readiness isn’t the same as intelligence

• Survival is a strategy, not a flaw

For first-gen kids—especially those coming out of poverty every step is weighted. You’re not just choosing a school. You’re choosing risk tolerance.

Community college gave me:

• Time to breathe

• Space to grow

• Proof that I could show up and succeed without burning myself out first

I stayed close to home. I learned how to manage my anxiety. I learned how to ask questions. I learned how to sit in a classroom without shrinking.

Then Came the Leap: VCU

By the time I transferred to VCU, I wasn’t rushing to prove anything.

I wasn’t chasing the image of success. I was building capacity.

Those “slow” steps? They sustained my life.

They taught me how to move forward without self-destructing. They taught me that you don’t have to arrive loud to arrive ready. They taught me that first-generation success isn’t about speed it’s about staying power.

A Note for Anyone Taking the Long Way

If you’re in your own version of 13th grade right now If you chose safety over spectacle If you needed a bridge instead of a leap

Let me say this clearly:

You are not behind. You are not less than. You are strategic.

Slow steps aren’t small steps when they save your life.

Signed, A first-gen woman who’s still standing because she moved at the pace of her healing